Incorrigible

I have never been so down after I have come to KL. Is that the only thing I care of?I though I have already let go of it, but after I found the news it really strikes me so badly. Why do i care so much?It has been a year!!why couldn't i manage to get rid of my mind? Soliloquizing brings to an incorrigible way. I don't want to express this kind of childish feelings to others anymore. I would rather look for hole to crawl into. I really can't continue to write down this kind of feelings.I just want to stop, stop everything that have recently buried me under the ground. I'm currently being suffocated all the times once I think of it. I just want to stop writing....

the happiest and unhappiest day in sandakan..

I'm having sick now..but I still want to write down the feelings before it vanishs from my mind..last two days, I was still in sandakan and it was saturday..I went out with her and her friend at evening..I went to pick them up in the tuition centre..I still remeber it was about 3pm and I had been waiting for 40 minutes..It didnt matter..I brought her and her friend to chocolate rain...Honestly, before saturday, I was looking forward going out with her...I didnt mean anythings...I just wanted to take a look of her before I went back to kl...erm....acutally, Im still in love to her even though we havent met for 8 months...I knew she has the one she likes already( i think im the only one who knows that) but she seems so rational that she doesnt want to have any boy friends first ...sometimes...i will be very cared that who she likes...what if they get together...will she get hurted?I really dont want to see her get hurted..well...this is not under my control..

well...after sitting down at chocolate rain...we started chatting...Im so happy that she changed a lot...not only her personalities but also her look...she got thin already...and I praised her tat she got pretty already, got thin already and the smile was so sweet....after I said that...I could see that she was very happy...she gave a sweet, attractive and shy smile...I will always keep that smile in my mind..the most happiest things were that she becomes more talkative already...she now will argue with me...she didnt use to be like that...her friend also said that she changed a lot...when i first knew her...she was very shy and not talkative...followingly,we kept chatting...we had some fun talk...now i know tat...原来 我的无聊可以让她笑个不停..i will always remeber that laughing and smiling forever...she didnt use to be like that...we always had eye contact...from her eyes and face expression...I think she knew that I was still in love to her...but she didnt say anythings...and i can also feel that she only wants to be friend with me only...I feel that..i know that..so..i didnt do much things..i didnt express my feelings...and I also didnt want to and will not do so....maybe she really doesnt belong to me...and im not belonged to her...

After that...she really needed to go...then she called her sister to go to pick her up...after her friend's father went to pick her friend up....it was only she and i....conversation continued...after that, the waitress told us that the restaurant was going to close...then we went outside..she called me to go first...because her sister was coming...she didnt want her sister to misunderstand...Before i went to take my car....i had some talks with ..to greet her...to wish her...I was very 不舍的..because i will not be seeing her until chinese new year...but agn..i didnt express my feelings...I put all the feelings in my heart...when i reached my car...I sat there..to see her go first...I sat for about 3 minutes..then her sister came...It was the unhappiest things...anyway...life has to continue..i sat at plane yesterday to recall wat had happened on saturday...It is my memory and i will keep it in my mind forever...

huh...it is a long dairy..im in the sick...and i have to go now....i wan to go to sunway medical centre to see if i gt H1N1...im having fever,dizzy,headache and maybe a bit sore throat...Im worring because i just came back to kl yesterday...hope that it is not H1N1....erm....in addition, im also happy tat her result got improved..only after 8 months....she improved everythings...and it is the happiest things...erm...eventually, i wish that she can always be happy in the rest of her life...

It's not the doomsday yet...

I'm frustrated when I got my listening test 2 results..I failed it but not much..It was only one band behind pass...I did maths..I found that I should not be given a 'fail'...I didn't know the actual marks..and also we were not allowed to know....we were only told whether we got exceed requirement, meet requirement or fail. Although I was having heavy headache that day and it hardly affect me, I still have no clue why I would fail since I'm quite confident.Anyway, it's not the time to put the blame but to look forwards. There are 3 listening test in total and I have been tested 2 times..again..I did maths..I found that I just have a 'dangerous' pass when I added the two listening tests together...So, in order to make sure I pass the listening test ..I have to score 6 or 7 out of 10 in the forthcoming listening test 3 which will be held on next thursday. In this week, I won't be thinking of negative stuff...not one week but forever..I have to be confident to sit for the test 3..It decides me whether I can enroll Monash university or not...the only way to be successful is to be confident all the no matter what situation I meet...come on..just fight it and break the wall with your ability..

the beginning of may

Deep sigh..unknowingly, it comes to the beginning of may.It is an important month for me since there will be a lot of tests which I can't even fail one of them.I will not be accepted to the business course in Monash University if I failed one of the tests.It's divided into speaking, listening, writing and reading. However, I am not afraid of the tests but instead I'm worrying about my confidence and concentration since there are so many influence bothering me currently. Sometimes, I would ask my self what if I failed the test..wasting the 10thousands tuition fee and disappointed my family as well as myself? I didn't mean to annoy myself but it subconsciously flashed in my mind. Nonetheless, I know I can handle it and pass the tests with flying colour.It's because I was born to be succeeded.Haha...

Memory..no blaming anymore..look forward

sigh....It has been six weeks since I arrived KL and what I can say is I don't really like the life in big city. People are so materialistic and complicated. I really can't imagine how the life in singapore and Japan is. I think it would be worse.

I went to see my friend's blog just now and there are a lot of pictures that are very memorable. I prefer the life in secondary school since they were so many memory..playing with friends, making fun, performing on the stage, leading a team or group,etc..The life seemed so fantastic but why I just kept blaming..there was totally no pressure but why I just kept putting pressure on myself..The life here is entirely different and sometimes I would get exhausted since I felt I know nothing compared to others..I didnt give myself too much pressure..I just felt there are still many things have to be learnt...I have to cherish every minutes...I shouldn't have given too much excuses to myself..anyway...It has already passed and I will just look forward to brighten up my future.

Recently,I have bought a lot of self-help books to upgrade myself.It includes , ,<10>,,<> and ...These books are so expensive but it really helps.So, if you are interested in anyone of these books...you can come to borrow with me..

I have been advised to change my attitude but I didnt keep it in my mind. Recently, somethings happenend and I unconditionally recall this advice. I found that I am so emotional or easily influenced. I couldn't concentrate on my study in the last 3 weeks just because of a non-important matter, which I can't mention here. Mr.NG is right. He told me I could be better if I change my attitude...now..I will always keep this advice in my mind...and I also know that attitude is everythings..come one...let's work hard(yourshimi hapsida)..

It was the first unforgettable event I had experienced after coming to KL

(wondering)Am I supposed to blame on the national services?or blame on the restaurant in KL?or blame on my immune system?It had been a hard time since I was in national services because I had experienced somethings special in my life.I went to see gastroenterologist on monday and haplessly I was told that I am being infected by helicobacter pylori-It was a kind of bacteria found in stomach and intestine.Besides,I was also told that my intestine has been inflamed.It's suck!!!Why do I get such infection?I think it was probably due to the food in national services.The food and the environment are so damn dirty.The gastroenterologist,whose name is Datuk(Dr.)F.K. Chan,explained that this kind of bacteria can be transmitted through environment as well as saliva. So,whoever has read this article,remind me not to share food and drink with you or you will be infected.Don't worry.It's no big deal.I am talking medicine.

My stomach and intestine had been feeling uncomfortable since I was in national service.What I can describle is that I felt a lot of winds in my stomach and occasionally it would bloat.Besides,I perceived there was blood in my stools and I also found that the stools were bizarre or unusual.I was so worry that I immediately went to sunway medical centre to consult a general doctor.However,the medicine didn't help a lot so I decided to tell my parents and they brought me go to see gastroenterologist.The process of checking was so suffering.Firstly,I was given a jar of laxative to drink so as to ease the scope.After half an hour,diarrhoea began and I had been going to washroom for 5 times.Thereupon,I was called to take off my pant as well as underwear and lied on a moving-bed to wait for next instruction.Boringly,I had been waiting for 20 minutes.Suddenly,two nurses came in and pushed me to the operation room.Thereat,again,I had waited for 15mintues when the doctor arrived.Initially,he meticuluosly helped me to scan the gall and liver followed by drawing out some of my blood to be examined.After that,I was anaesthetised so surely that I didn't know what happened next.After one hour,I was woken up but I still felt dizzy all the way to my brother's house.What surprsied me the most was that I had to pay RM1429.It was so expensive but it's worth since I feel better after I have taken medicine for 4 days.So,whoever has met this situation,please go to consult a specialist as soon as possible or it will be more and more serious.

About her-Langadon oku dika,Muhang oku dika(duzun)/ ami tomakey bhalobasni(bangladesh)

It has been 5 months since graduation and I have never met her before since 11 of november last year.I still remember it was 24 of november,she told me that she has fallen in love to somebody,which actually I have known it before she told me but I pretend knowing nothing.I was very upset and down until I didnt enjoy both of my graduation trip.Honestly,I knew that she wont be falling in love to me since the day we knew each other.I just kept lying myself everyday. to be continue..

Im not continuing this article anymore because
I dont want to recall it anymore..it seems that im so childish

New life

It has already passed 5 months since graduation and there were a lot of events happenend.The life after graduation was totally different from the secondary school life.After I hv gotten my UEC results,which i'm not very satisfied,I began to search and apply the university that I'm interested of--monash university and nanyang technological university(ntu).I applied business course for both universities but my wish was to enrol ntu since it has a higher ranking.It is also because studying in ntu is cheaper than in monash university.However,the opportunity enrolling to ntu was so small since it is very competitive.So,I decided to move my interest towards monash university which my UEC result was just enough for m e to enrol.Challengingly,my english grade in UEC was so bad that they didnt allow me to enroll the first year of the business and commerce course.In november,just after the graduation trip,I had a hard time since the pathway to enrol monash university was to score band 6.5 in IELTS but it didnt mean i couldnt enrol the university if i failed to score it.There was still another pathway if i couldn't score it,that was to study the ELBP course.The university has ruled that whoever wished to study ELBP course had to sit for the IELTS test first.So,I decided to sit for the IELTS test on 9 and 10 of january but the results came out badly that I only scored band 6.So,I have no choice but to take the ELBP course so as to enrol the university.Now,I'm in kl and ready for the course which will be begun on 16 of march.Hopefully,I can do well in this ELBP course and directly enrol to the first year of business and commerce course.